


the reason that my heart beats

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Series: InspiredByOQ 2018 [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fights, Fix-It of Sorts, Inspired by OQ week, Inspired by Outlaw Queen Week, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 07:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16035413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: She's been avoiding him all day.  If he's completely honest with himself, she's been avoiding him for the better part of a week now.  He's tried to give her the space she clearly needs, but he can't help wanting to know what will fix this.A fic inspired by thismanipby orchidfeathers.





	the reason that my heart beats

**Author's Note:**

> Date Written: 18-19 September 2018  
> Word Count: 1680  
> Written for: InspiredByOQ 2018  
> Recipient: orchidfeathers  
> Prompt: This [manip](https://twitter.com/orchidfeathers/status/1028251397454798848)  
> Summary: She's been avoiding him all day. If he's completely honest with himself, she's been avoiding him for the better part of a week now. He's tried to give her the space she clearly needs, but he can't help wanting to know what will fix this.  
> Spoilers: Canon divergent AU that takes place nebulously post-S5 where Robin doesn't actually die.  
> Warnings: No standard warnings apply.  
> Website: ShatterStorm Productions – Doggie Duo  
> Link to: http://bdkk.shatterstorm.net/  
> Archive: ShatterStorm Productions & AO3 only…all others ask for permission & we'll see…  
> Feedback: Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Author’s Disclaimer: "Once Upon a Time," the characters, and situations depicted are the property of Adam Horowitz, Edward Kitsis, Kitsis/Horowitz, and ABC Studios. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "Once Upon a Time," ABC, or any representatives of the actors.
> 
> Author’s Notes: I have a kink for writing angst for these two. I have no excuses. And I loved that I could delve into Regina's recurring fears of being toxic to anyone who loves her, especially when Robin can remind her that he doesn't follow that belief in the slightest. The title and part of Robin's dialogue near the end come from the Spice Girls song ["Time Goes By"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0qaITgBIsE) because I'm an asshole like that.
> 
> Dedication: My muses, as usual…
> 
> Beta: Not beta'd yet, so just point out any errors I may have missed…

She's been avoiding him all day. If he's completely honest with himself, she's been avoiding him for the better part of a week now. He's tried to give her the space she clearly needs, but he can't help wanting to know what will fix this.

He's standing outside Town Hall, staring up at the window to Regina's office. The curtains are drawn, but there's a sliver of light at the center that proves she's still up there. He feels foolish just standing here on the sidewalk across the street, staring up at her window like some lovesick stalker. Her shadow passes through that slit in the curtains briefly, one direction, then the other, as if she's pacing. He knows Regina. He knows that she only paces when she's truly upset or confused by something. The thought that she could be pacing because of him, because of whatever it is that is keeping them apart right now, it sends a stab of guilt through his heart. He doesn't even know what it is, but he feels guilty because his soulmate is in turmoil and he can't take the stress away.

Just as he's about to cross the street in an attempt to speak with her, the light goes out in her office, and the window goes as dark as the rest of the night settling in deeper around him. He waits for her then, hoping to catch her on her way to her car. Henry is staying with Emma for the week, and Roland has joined them for a movie night and sleepover. It's the perfect opportunity for them to settle whatever this issue is without curious young ears around.

When thirty minutes have gone by without Regina exiting the building, Robin begins to worry. The light hasn't come on again, and he can see her car in the lot. Unless she's magicked herself home… But would she do that? He pulls out his phone and quickly sends her a text.

_What would you like for dinner tonight? I can have it ready when you get home._

The response comes almost immediately, and he has to wonder if magic is involved.

_Don't go to any trouble. I'm not hungry and I still have a lot of work left to do._

_Are you sure? It's no trouble, love._

_I'm sure. Don't wait up for me, okay? It'll be a late night._

That stab of pain and guilt hits again, nearly dropping him to his knees. This is more than a simple disagreement between them. He needs to fix this, no matter what it takes. He practically sprints across to the glass doors and up the stairs. He pauses on the second floor to catch his breath, bent over in the process, but he catches the sliver of light shining out from under her door. It flickers erratically, and he realizes she lit a fire. Is she planning to stay the night here in her office?

Taking a deep breath, he makes his way to the door and knocks softly. "Regina? Love, are you in there?"

His ears pick up soft sounds of movement from behind the door, culminating in the deafeningly loud snick of the lock. She's locked him out. Intentionally. His breath is stolen from him at the realization that things have escalated from emotionally locking him out to physically.

"What in the bloody hell did I do?" he murmurs, tears stinging in his eyes. He takes a deep breath to try to calm his breathing, then a second, and a third. "Regina, I know you're in there."

"Go home, Robin." Her voice is husky, laced with pain and exhaustion.

"Regina, please don’t do this. Open the door..."

"Go home, Robin!" Her words are louder this time, more strident.

"Not until you tell me what I did to hurt you so. Give me a chance to make it up to you. Whatever I did, I'm beyond sorry for it and I'll never do it again, if you'll just open this bloody door and _talk_ to me." When she doesn't answer him for a long moment, he feels ready to tear his own hair out. "What happened to honesty and trust, Regina? We made vows to that effect and I thought we were still upholding them. I need you to trust me right now and open this bloody door. Please, love, it's killing me to know I've done something to upset you so much that you actively avoid me."

The silence is suffocating him, heart breaking more and more as the seconds tick by with that door still firmly shut and locked, barring him from her immediate presence. He drops to his knees, defeat crushing his soul.

The sound of the lock turning is sharp like a gunshot. He can't move to open the door, still unsure if he's actually welcome inside or not. And then it opens slowly to reveal Regina standing there, looking haggard and exhausted beyond explanation. He stares at her, unable to move, barely able to breathe.

"You've done nothing wrong, Robin," she finally says softly. "Please just go home and leave me alone."

He carefully makes his way to his feet again, stepping closer to her, but she moves a step back for each one he takes toward her. His chest aches, and he rubs it absently. "Then why are you distancing yourself from me? What happened?"

She stands there quietly for a long moment, backlit by the fire in the fireplace. He can just make out the tear tracks on her face as she mumbles something.

"What was that, love?"

"You told me you loved me," she replies a little louder.

"Do you doubt my love, Regina? Is that the problem?" She shakes her head, confusing him further. "Then what could possibly--" And then it hits him. "Have your feelings changed?"

"No," she whispers, then clears her throat, but doesn't move when he steps closer to hear her. "E-Everyone who has ever said they loved me has died. I'm a curse all on my own. You deserve better than what will likely be a horrible, painful death at my hands."

The memories of conversations about the deaths of those who loved her come back to him, and tears sting in his eyes again. "Those deaths were not your fault, Regina, and I don't fear death. I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love another person."

"You should fear me, Robin. I will be the instrument of your death. You're better off without me, you and all of the children. Loving me is toxic."

"Bollocks! Loving you has made me stronger. Regina, we survived Zelena's machinations to break us up, a near-death experience in Camelot, and Hades and the Underworld. His death at Zelena's hand, followed by her own for attempting to wield the Olympus crystal, only proved to me how strong we are when we trust ourselves and our love."

"But--"

"You cannot get rid of me that easily, milady." 

He takes a bold step and pulls her into his arms. She crumbles into his arms, sobbing loudly. Robin tightens his grip, stretching a leg behind him to close the door, then lifts her into his arms as he makes his way to the sofa before the fireplace. As he settles on the comfortable cushions, she buries her face in his neck. They sit there for long moments as she shudders and cries, clinging tightly to him. His hands soothe up and down her back, lips pressing repeated kisses to her hair, but he doesn't try to stop his own tears. Her anguish tears at his heart until he wants to scream in agony.

"I'm not going anywhere, Regina. You are my soulmate, my destiny, and I cannot imagine my life without you in it."

"H-How?" she asks, leaning back to squint at him. "I'm _broken_ and _toxic_ , Robin. What can you possibly see in me?"

"What do I see in you? Oh, love, I see so much." He pauses, then smiles softly as he speaks the words he heard in a song Violet had played for Henry, realizing just how perfect they are. "I see in you the one who now completes the half of me I used to be. You have made me a better man, and I promise that I will do everything in my power to make you accept that you deserve every bit of love and goodness in your life, starting with me and my love."

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"I know, love, and so am I." He presses a kiss to her forehead, then to her lips. "I love you, Regina, and that's never going to change."

"I love you, too." She sighs heavily and nuzzles into his neck again, body going heavy against his. He just holds her close, pouring all of his love into his soft touches and kisses. She eventually shifts slightly and offers him a tentative smile. "Did-- Did you quote one of the songs from Henry's playlist for Violet?"

He chuckles softly. "One of hers for him actually. It just felt appropriate to explain to you just how much you mean to me."

"I'm so--"

"No more apologies, love. Say you'll let me take you home and pamper you in the ways only I can. A meal, a bath, and a night of sleep that I'm quite sure you haven't had since I first told you that I loved you. Once you've recovered appropriately, we'll sit down for a long talk about what we can do to lessen this burden you feel you must bear."

"I-I'd like that. Thank you, Robin."

"You're welcome, love. Now let's go home, yeah?"

Regina nods and sighs softly again. "Please? I feel like shit and I think I've got a migraine coming on."

"Home it is then, and straight into the tub with medication for you while I get your dinner ready."

"Only if you join me in the tub? I don't want to let you out of my sight right now."

"As milady wishes."


End file.
